Athol Kay – The Married Mans Guide to Sex & Relationships Part 2

Mar 15, 2020 | Relationships, Visionary Men

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 Athol Kay is an author, blogger, vlogger and coach on the topic of relationships, intimacy and sexuality to which he brings a vast educational and professional background including sociology, nursing and behavioural health.

He has written a number of books including his two most well known books The Married Man Sex Life Primer and The Mindful Attraction Plan.

Athol has also coached hundreds of men and couples in how to improve their relationships and is a highly regarded and experienced educator in relationship dynamics, how intimacy can be improved, and why men can truly become the best version of themselves to enjoy great relationships

“people  can work like crazy to make themselves, more attractive, better relationships, everyone around them is saying “oh my god you look great, what are you doing?”, and the only person that isn’t saying it is their spouse because they are just not into them”. 

– athol kay

 athol and I discussed the following in this episode

 

  • How women get incredibly turned off by being followed around my husband’s doing the wrong thing over and over and again.

  • The amount of energy this consumes and how it unbalances relationships.

  • What a loyalty test is and why it can come very quickly after a fitness test.

  • The difference between the Married Man Sex Life Primer and the Mindful Attraction plan and how Athol’s opinion has developed since both these books to what it is now.

  • Why Athol’s books have worked for some people and not others, and why he wants to know why things are working and why not in all cases.

  • Athol’s thinking has evolved to where there is really only 4 main problems that keep cropping up:

     1. Are you doing the basic relationship stuff?

     2. Is there a blockage e.g. mental health issue, past trauma etc?

     3. The other person doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

     4. There is someone else involved e.g. relative or romantic?

 

  • How any 1 or more of the above problems can be happening at any one time and no matter what you do these issues have to be addressed as well.

  • This has been the biggest challenge for Athol in realising why sometimes things just won’t get better.

  • The importance of getting people to self-diagnose what is truly wrong and quickly.

  • Why addressing red flags earlier on are a must.

  • How all relationships reach a point where you must move from an unconscious relationship to a conscious relationship.

  • Sometimes it needs to get to a point where you say “if this doesn’t get fixed I need to move on”.

  • Why when relationships do end its often unscripted but helped by the fact that if you have your life in order you can be clear on things.

  • How Athol wants to work out the relationship theory of everything in relationships.

  • Most of the time it’s a ‘life issue’ working its way into the relationship rather than the other way around. Sometimes there can be nothing wrong with the relationship other than people being tired and cranky because of life.

  • Middle age means thinking consciously about your life.

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