Andrew G. Marshall – How to Find Meaning When You hit Mid Life
Andrew G. Marshall is Marital Therapist with over 30 years experience of helping couples and individuals with their relationships
He is also a successful author having penned over 19 books over the years covering love, relationships and infidelity including the international best seller ‘I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You’ and the book I discuss with him in this episode – ‘It’s Not A Midlife Crisis, It’s An Opportunity’.
Andrew has pioneered the ‘Marshall Method’ of counselling which blends psycho dynamic counselling with systemic counselling and which he offers in London and Berlin. He holds intensive and short therapy sessions and week long couples therapy sessions.
Andrew has featured in the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Daily Telegraph with TV appearances on This Morning, Lorraine Kelly Today and on BBC Radio 2 with Jeremy Vine.
“men are trained not to be aware of their feelings, they are trained to man up, get on with it, solve the problem, and work harder “
– Andrew G.Marshall
Andrew and I discussed the following in this episode
-The reason why the word midlife crisis isn’t a good term and why it can be the gateway to something incredible
-Why men don’t always don’t know what is going on so it ends up in some catastrophic behaviour like having an affair
-How one of the most important questions is to “ask who am I”?
-The Middle Passage in life and how men are not taught how to be a man, how many men are leading the life’s that other people expected rather than being authentically themselves.
Why the transition to the Middle Passage can become a problem, and the 3 most difficult questions which take you can ask yourself to come out of the other side in a better place.
1. Who am I?
2. What gives my life meaning?
3. What are my rules rather than societies rules
-The part alcohol plays in the lives of many men and why this can become a problem in mid- life as men want a deeper connection than those formed around drinking.
-The concept of L, W and U shaped lives.
-The mistake that men make is to seek help from their wives to fix their problems which can be disastrous as their wives can think that they are the problem.
-The trap of getting into a passive aggressive communication position and why one of the tricks of getting through the middle passage is assertiveness and negotiation.
-Why a quiet easy life is also a meaningless life.
-Two powerful listening strategies you can use in interactions with your wife.
The roadmap Andrew suggests for navigating navigating the middle passage of life:
1. What are the values you are living your life by?
2. Which of them you are going to go along with?
3. Finding ways you can align with these values which are authentic to you.
4. Communicate what is important to you and make time for it. (This could be in small chunks by trying something new).