Dovid Feldman – How to Build A Great Marriage

Today I speak with Family and Couples Therapist – Dovid Feldman

One of the biggest challenges for couples isn’t getting married in the first place but actually staying married and putting the necessary work into their relationship to make that happen. Unfortunately for many couples they are simply not equipped with the necessary tools, have not been set a great example by their own parents or have unrealistic expectations.

In todays conversation I delve into the following with Dovid:

How marriage is a journey and it goes through different stages and it’s a personal and spiritual journey.

The issue Dovid sees that there is a lot of dating advice but not much on maintaining your marriage.

Dovid sees 3 main problems, we don’t have role models, good expectations and the tools to make things work

How the marriage moves beyond me and you to ‘us’.

The balancing act of communicating your needs and making them clear to your spouse

The issue of leadership in a marriage and how many men give up on this if they don’t have a wife who follows, how Dovid advocates Men being a leader in their own life or in other aspects of their family life.

Dovid talks about a ‘must have’ marriage pyramid that he uses, meaning that if you don’t have certain things you consider yourself as not married (which is subjective, based on the person).

The trap where peoples relationships can be infiltrated by extended family & parents

Why Dovid sees support as essential but not from family and friends which can worsen the case of an ostracised spouse.

Marriage is not the place you end up, it’s the place you begin and the more you can grow up within yourself and within the marriage the better it will be.

Dovid describes how in your 40’s there is a breaking down of our youthful exuberant fantasy that we had when we were younger but from this you realize how amazing what you actually have is, and you shed immature life fantasies about fatherhood, being a husband and meaning.

You begin to look at things in different ways and you see your wife in a different way and you shift mindset from having to giving, and some Men resist this change.

Number one message Dovid advocates is goodwill and loving kindness in your relationships, between spouses which means cutting out bickering, criticising and fighting and focussing on goodwill, kindness and respect.

Grow kindness, then eliminate negativity including criticism, telling, swearing, and then into deeper stuff like expression, needs, boundaries and freedom.

Dovid sees that all marriages have past traumas and he has a process whereby couples are able to move beyond it and get past I, the importance of allowing things to be let go of

To find out more about dovid and how to get in touch with him:

Dovid’s Website

Dovid on Twitter